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A good time to kill the winter blues I think is to share a few funnies, and have a chuckle. So with this in mind, I will share one:


Three older married men all die and are awaiting to be brought into Heaven via the Pearly gates.,

St Peter comes out and says " The good news is everyone will get a vehicle to drive around in heaven, however, the size and type of transportation will be based on your married relationship, and if you ever "fooled around" on your wife".


The first guy is asked, " sir how many times did you fool around on your wife?' the man says" I NEVER fooled around on my wife EVER!!! We had a fantastic marriage of 40 years!" We were loving and truly a perfect couple!"


St Peter says, "that is fantastic, here are the keys to a brand new Cadillac!" The man graciously accepts the keys and drives away in his caddy.....


The second guy is asked the same question, "sir how many times did you fool around on your wife?" The man looks down and sheepishly says " We were married 35 years but I did have an affair in my fifth year of marriage, but my wife and I both went for counseling and church and have never looked back!"


St Peter says "well I guess you made it right, and you having been loving ever since, so here a the keys to a Chevrolet!" The man accepts the keys and jumps in his Chev and drives off into heaven.


The 3rd and final guy is up and is asked how many times he fooled around on his wife and he comes clean. "Well....I have to say I was married for 20 years and I don't believe that there wasn't a year go by that I didn't have a girlfriend on the side, throughout those times!' " I do feel bad, he goes on to say...........


St peter says, " this is terrible!, here are the keys to a Volkswagen!" The man accepts and begins driving through Heaven when he comes across the first fellow (who had never fooled around on his wife). The Cadillac is parked on the side of the street and the man is crying uncontrollably. " Volkswagen guys says" hey, why you crying, you never fooled around on your wife, you have a beautiful Cadillac as a result, what's the matter?"


Cadillac guy says" I just seen my wife and she is riding around on a SKATEBOARD!"


Hope this gave you a chuckle! Looking for more! C'mon folks!




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Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

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An "Artist" takes some steel tubing makes a circle paints it blue puts a light on top and sells it for hundred thousands of dollars.

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After 40 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.


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A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife


She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch,


but knew very little about ranching,


so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..


Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.


She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy,


figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.


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For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.


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have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great.


You should go into town and kick up your heels."


The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.


One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.


Two o'clock and no hired hand.


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he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.


She quietly called him over to her..


"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.


Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."


He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.


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He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.


"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands,


he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.


Then she looked at him and said,


"If you ever wear my clothes into town again,

you're fired

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Drafting Guys Over 50. This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier...


New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 50!


I am over 50 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.


For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only

think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.


'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some ***hole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.


An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee,

so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.



If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.


Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.


They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.


Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.


An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.


These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.


Let us old guys track down those terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.


HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!

If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!


Send this to all of your senior friends...it's in big type so they can read it.

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A couple of Iraqi women who haven't seen each other in a very long time, run into each other at the local grocery store. When they meet, they are so happy to see each as it had been years since they were united. One of the woman says to the other "Oh my, it has been so long, how is your first born son Abdul doing? I remember him with his beautiful eyes! He would be 18 now? How is HE doing?" The other looks at her and says "Oh Abdul is no longer here, he is a Martyr". The other then looks and says "But what about YOUR son Hussein, how is he? I remember him with his cute little toes, how old who he be now 17? How is HE doing?". the lady looks at her and says Oh Hussein is no longer here, he is also a Martyr." They both look on....then the one Iraqi woman says " what about Amrik? He must be 16 now? I remember him with his beautiful hair! How is HE doing?" The lady looks on and says " Oh Amrik is also a Martyr, and no longer here. Then they both fall quiet, and they look at each other and say "Oh They BLOW up so fast these days..."

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A Newfoundland painter by the name of Skipper Drover,while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.


Over a number of years, his fame grew and soon people fromall over the country were coming to him in Long Harbour

for his paintings.


One day, a very attractive young woman pulled up to his housein a stretch limo and askedSkipper if he would paint her in the nude.


This was the first time anyone had made this request and it hadSkipper a bit perturbed.


The beautiful lady told him that money was no object. In fact,


she was willing to pay him up to $5,000 cash.


Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife,


Skipper asked the lady to wait while he went in the house andconferred with Rose, his missus.


In a few minutes he returned and said to the lady,


"T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus.


The wife says it's okay.


I'll paint ya in da nude, but I have ta leave me socks on so I have someplace to wipe me brushes.


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