Does Hell Freeze Over?

[DonAndersen]

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

 

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

 

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with

colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

 

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) orendothermic (absorbs heat)?

 

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools

when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

 

One student, however, wrote the following:

 

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to

know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving.

 

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

 

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion,

you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since

people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

 

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in

order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand

proportionately as souls are added.

 

This gives two possibilities:

 

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell,

then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

 

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then

the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

 

So which is it?

 

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that,

"It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account

the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and

thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

 

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it

is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only

Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last

night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

 

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

 

 

 

Keep Warm,

 

Don

[dube]

good one!

[bigbowtrout]

[Taco]

x2

 

[monger]

That guy is going to be great at writing grant proposals!

[yak]

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

 

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

 

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with

colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

 

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) orendothermic (absorbs heat)?

 

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools

when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

 

One student, however, wrote the following:

 

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to

know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving.

 

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

 

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion,

you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since

people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

 

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in

order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand

proportionately as souls are added.

 

This gives two possibilities:

 

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell,

then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

 

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then

the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

 

So which is it?

 

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that,

"It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account

the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and

thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

 

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it

is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only

Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last

night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

 

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

 

 

 

Keep Warm,

 

Don

when I saw the title of the thread i assumed it had to do with edmonton setting an all time low of -50 the other day

[darrinhurst]

I thought it had to do with the Flames winning the Stanley Cup........

 

(instert gay pokey thingy)