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And now for something completely different...a summary of my life the last 40 minutes. See the next few status updates...a series of observations we'll call "SWJO" (Snobby - WalMart -Judgemental - Observations)...

 

SWJO#1: I'm wearing my $3 t-shirt and my 10 year old crocs...hey look!: I blend in. Where am I? you guessed it...Wal-Mart! FML.

 

SWJO#2: How the f**K is Wal-Mart so busy at 10:15pm? Its F-R-I-D-A-Y! Don't you people have lives? Speaking of which...what the hell am I doing here? FML

 

SWJO#3 (Summer Olympic and Marvel version): Hey...that's an awesome look ma'am. While you have the build of a water polo player, nay, weightlifter (minus the muscle), your tank top and bra look they were mugged from a beach volleyball player. Excellent fashion sense...pardon me while strike my Usain Bolt victory point pose and maybe you'll take the hint...to the ladies plus-size clothes section. If you were spilling out of your top anymore, I'd fully expect your skin to turn green and you'll start chucking army jeeps across the parking lot...FML

 

SWJO#4: Awwww...that's precious: you're cute 5 year old has so much make-up I think I am watching a live episode of Toddlers and Tiaras. I just might stab someone...or myself. FML

 

SWJO#5: Nice mom, nice. Your kid just polished off a happy meal, an extra 6 chicken nuggets, and now is shoveling ice cream into his mouth like it's his last meal. Is there a Zombie Apocalypse? You realize..its 10:30...right? Good luck getting him to sleep. Which brings me to Sure Bet #1: Said kid, a few hours later, awoken from his nightmare, will run screaming to mommy awoken claiming his toothbrush is trying burrow under his skin. FML

 

Yeah...that was the last 40 minutes of my life. FML.

 

Smitty

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