One For Rickr

[Weedy1]

Two guys were driving through Texas when they got pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps his nightstick on the window. The driver rolls down the window and "WHACK," the cop smacks him in the head with his nightstick. "What the hell was that for?" the driver asked. "You're in Texas, son," the trooper answered. "When we pull you over,you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car." "I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I'm not from around here." The trooper runs a check on the guy's license. Finds He's clean and gives the guy his license back. The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK," the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick. "What did you do that for?" the passenger demands. "Just making your wish come true," replied the trooper. "Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked. "Because I know your type," the trooper says, "two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, 'I wish that ***hole would've tried that crap with me!

[kungfool]

Lol :lol:

[Taco]

Two good ol' Texans bought a couple of horses that

they used to make some money during the summer.

 

But when winter came, they found it cost too

much to board them. So they turned the horses

loose in a pasture where there was plenty to

eat. 'How will we tell yours from mine when we

pick them up?' one of them asked the other.

'Easy,' replied the other. 'We'll cut the

mane off mine and the tail off yours.'

 

By spring, the mane and tail had grown back

to normal length.

'Now what are we going to do?' asked the

first.

'Why don't you just take the black one?' said

the second. 'And I'll take the white one.'

[reevesr1]

Hardy har har.

 

I like 'em both!

 

An aggie (think Newfie, but from Texas A&M) gets a post-grad scholarship to Harvard to study law. While walking through campus he asks a east coast preppie type "Excuse me, but could you please tell me where the library is at?" The preppie replies (affect snooty east coast accent here) "Here at Haaarvaard we do not end our sentences in prepositions." The aggie replies "Is that so, ok, then could you please tell me where the library is at, ***hole?"

[rhuseby]

It does my home-grown Alberta redneck heart good to see there are folks just like us out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bigbowtrout]

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he

 

reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.

 

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and

 

noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

 

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

 

"They’re mating," her father replied.

 

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

 

"That’s a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

 

"So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

 

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.

 

The little girl thought for a moment, then she stomped them flat and said

 

"Well, it might be okay in California, Vermont, and New York, but we’re not having any of that *hit in Texas."

[Weedy1]

There are two final contestants in a poetry competition, one a Yale scholar the other a redneck from Texas. The challenge is to make a poem using the word "Timbucktoo". Yale scholar:

 

Through the fiery desert sand,

treks a lonely caravan,

men on camels two by two,

destination Timbucktoo.

 

Big applause from the audience. People are confident the redneck can't do better. The redneck steps up to the microphone:

 

Me and Tim a hunting went,

found three whores in a pop up tent,

they were three and we were two,

so I bucked one and Tim Bucked two.

[bulltrout]

There are two final contestants in a poetry competition, one a Yale scholar the other a redneck from Texas. The challenge is to make a poem using the word "Timbucktoo". Yale scholar:

 

Through the fiery desert sand,

treks a lonely caravan,

men on camels two by two,

destination Timbucktoo.

 

Big applause from the audience. People are confident the redneck can't do better. The redneck steps up to the microphone:

 

Me and Tim a hunting went,

found three whores in a pop up tent,

they were three and we were two,

so I bucked one and Tim Bucked two.

 

LMFAO!!!!

[Weedy1]

I'm still laughing at that one - 10 minutes later.

[reevesr1]

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he

 

reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.

 

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and

 

noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

 

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

 

"They’re mating," her father replied.

 

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

 

"That’s a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

 

"So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

 

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.

 

The little girl thought for a moment, then she stomped them flat and said

 

"Well, it might be okay in California, Vermont, and New York, but we’re not having any of that *hit in Texas."

 

Saweet! Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[Taco]

An Irishman, a Mexican, and a Texan were doing construction work on the scaffolding of a tall building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned Beef and Cabbage"! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.

 

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again"! If I get burritos one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off too. The Texan opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again"! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time for lunch I'm jumping too.

 

At lunch the next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The Texan opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death too.

 

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife is weeping and she says, "If I'd known how tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again." The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the Texan's wife. She said, "Hey, don't look at me, he makes his own lunch."

[reevesr1]

An Irishman, a Mexican, and a Texan were doing construction work on the scaffolding of a tall building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned Beef and Cabbage"! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.

 

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again"! If I get burritos one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off too. The Texan opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again"! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time for lunch I'm jumping too.

 

At lunch the next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The Texan opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death too.

 

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife is weeping and she says, "If I'd known how tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again." The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the Texan's wife. She said, "Hey, don't look at me, he makes his own lunch."

Now that's not funny. Are you sure it wasn't a Irishman, Mexican, and Oklahoman? I'm pretty sure it must have been.

[Taco]

Well at the very least an Aggie.