Why Women Shouldn't Take Retired Men Shopping

[bigbowtrout]

 

 

> After I retired, my Joan insisted that I accompany her on her

> trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I

> found shopping boring and

> preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate,

> my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife

> received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

>

> Dear Mrs. Carter

 

Over the past six months, your husband has caused

> quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate

> this behavior and have

> been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our

> complaints against your husband, Mr. Merv Carter, are listed below and are

> documented by our video surveillance cameras.

>

> 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms

> and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

>

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go

> off at 5-minute intervals.

>

3. July 5: He made a trail of

> tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

>

4. July 11: Walked up to an employee and told her in an

> official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused

> the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from

> her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing

> management to lose time and costing the company money.

>

5. July 14: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a

> bag of M&Ms on layaway.

>

> 6. July 16: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign

> to a carpeted area.

>

> 7. July 20: Set up a tent in the

> camping department and told the children shoppers

> he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the

> bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

>

8. July 23: When a clerk asked

> if they could help him he began crying and screamed,

> 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

>

> 9. July 24: Looked right into the security camera and used it as

> a mirror while he picked his nose.

>

> 10. July 27: While handling guns in

> the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

>

> 11. July 29: Darted around the store suspiciously while

> loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

>

> 12.July 31 In the auto department, he practiced his

> 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

>

> 13. August 1: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled

> 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

>

> 14. August 2: When an announcement came over the loud

> speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed

> 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least:

>

> 15. August 3: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited

> awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in

> here.' One of the clerks passed out.

 

 

[SteveM]

:lol:

I think I'll print out this list, & take it along next time the wife & kid drag me to the mall; should

be a lot more fun than watching them shop for shoes, etc.

 

[Simpson]

Thanks for the laugh! Spit my lunch on my desk!!

[darrinhurst]

Awesome!

[murray]

That was one of the funniest posts ever on this forum. I almost couldn't stop laughing. You made my day, thanks

 

Murray

[Justfreewheelin]

I hate to say it but a lot of those things my friends and I would do when we were bored, been kicked out of wallmart a lot. brought back some truly funny memories though. thanks.