bigbowtrout Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 > After I retired, my Joan insisted that I accompany her on her > trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I > found shopping boring and > preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, > my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife > received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart. > > Dear Mrs. Carter Over the past six months, your husband has caused > quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate > this behavior and have > been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our > complaints against your husband, Mr. Merv Carter, are listed below and are > documented by our video surveillance cameras. > > 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms > and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. > 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go > off at 5-minute intervals. > 3. July 5: He made a trail of > tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. > 4. July 11: Walked up to an employee and told her in an > official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused > the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from > her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing > management to lose time and costing the company money. > 5. July 14: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a > bag of M&Ms on layaway. > > 6. July 16: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign > to a carpeted area. > > 7. July 20: Set up a tent in the > camping department and told the children shoppers > he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the > bedding department to which twenty children obliged. > 8. July 23: When a clerk asked > if they could help him he began crying and screamed, > 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called. > > 9. July 24: Looked right into the security camera and used it as > a mirror while he picked his nose. > > 10. July 27: While handling guns in > the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. > > 11. July 29: Darted around the store suspiciously while > loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. > > 12.July 31 In the auto department, he practiced his > 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. > > 13. August 1: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled > 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' > > 14. August 2: When an announcement came over the loud > speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed > 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least: > > 15. August 3: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited > awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in > here.' One of the clerks passed out. Quote
SteveM Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 :lol: I think I'll print out this list, & take it along next time the wife & kid drag me to the mall; should be a lot more fun than watching them shop for shoes, etc. Quote
Simpson Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Thanks for the laugh! Spit my lunch on my desk!! Quote
murray Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 That was one of the funniest posts ever on this forum. I almost couldn't stop laughing. You made my day, thanks Murray Quote
Justfreewheelin Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I hate to say it but a lot of those things my friends and I would do when we were bored, been kicked out of wallmart a lot. brought back some truly funny memories though. thanks. Quote
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