Chivalry Is Dead, Not Dead, Still Twitching?

[Guest Sundancefisher]

I was startled today when some women from work expressed annoyance that I was letting them off the elevator first. They said it annoys them to have to step around extra people when some guy(s) could just leave the elevator first and create more exit space. They said their preference is to have men drop that behavoir al together.

 

How is chivalry seen in Calgary these days?

 

Please make your selection...multiple choice answers are available.

[LynnF]

What an interesting discussion! Here's my take: if you're in a position where you can be a gentleman or chivalrous (i.e. you aren't going to create a situation or inconvenience or delay others because of it) then most, if not all, women will appreciate it. I know a few flaming feminists who would actually go out of their way to resist a man's attempt to be courteous or chivalrous or whatever they want to call it. But I agree with the elevator thing....only because I deal with it every morning too. If you're at the front you gotta get off. There's not alot of room or time to stand aside. And I don't think women, in general, would take offense at a man getting off first.

[dryfly]

Comments from the cultural backwaters of Coaldale ...

 

Agree with the elevator thing .. get off in a manner so as not to create a logjam. If there are two or three only, I normally let the ladies go first.

 

You know what absolutely drives me crazy? (It is a short trip!) When I am nice, step forward and open a door for a woman and she walks right by me as if I was her personal butler and she says nothing to acknowledge my consideration. We all do things and expect no reward but I get POed when it is obvious I am trying to me nice and the lady does not have the decency to say, "Thank you." I loudly say, "You're welcome."

 

If I held the door open for my wife, she'd get suspicious.

[Garlicmarshmellow]

Dryfly you hit it on the nose. Nothing drives me more crazy than holding the door or giving your seat to a lady on the bus and they act as if it were your duty to do that and no thanks given. I'll thank a guy or lady when they hold the door for me when entering a store. I want to know what happen to the wave when you let someone in or make a space in traffic for the person to get in your lane. I believe it boils down to the lack of respect people show these days to each other.

[LynnF]

FYI....I ALWAYS say thank you, give a little smile, bat of the eyelashes (well...maybe not that) but I always show appreciation for courtesy shown to me - even if by another woman. I always think that if someone is going to be thoughtful enough to do something nice for me, the least I can do is be kind back. It's the small things like that that matter in life - kinda like the pay it forward concept. Now...don't piss me off in traffic because the same rules apply there

[birchy]

I pretty much echo the sentiments already expressed.

 

I try my best to open doors for ladies (and men), or hold the door open if I've already gone through and they're not too far behind. But yes, it does annoy me as well when people expect it, and don't say thank you.

 

One thing I have noticed more recently, is how selfish so many people are these days when it comes to helping out my wife when she's struggling with the munchkin in his stroller! For example, she comes downtown to have lunch with me once in awhile. My building has a 2 level set of stairs in front and no ramp. I would say it's probably like 75% of the time that she tells me she has to struggle to pull the stroller up the stairs backwards and NOONE offers to help. The majority of the time there are people around too!

 

Pretty lame if you ask me.

[acurrie]

I say every Man, Women and Child for themselves! Chivalry is Dead.

 

No, but seriously, If I'm going to open doors, lift groceries, etc etc.... for Women then I expect the same help from them; And for the most part I get it.

[Guest Sundancefisher]

I still open doors for ladies, help women with strollers, let elderly, handicaped, women with small kids and pregnant women sit on the transit, let women in first on elevators and off first. The elevator thing caught me off guard.

 

I think one thing the ladies should consider is positive reinforcement. Lynn...no offense but the eyelash batting won't work for some of us...married ones anyways. What would go a long ways is if women carried candy and cookies and handed one out everytime a guy was a gentleman.

 

[misterbig]

I take the CTrain everyday and I see it all. Ladies that demand, ladies that stand and wait patiently, ladies snagging chairs that were ment for other OLDER ladies, etc. I usually give my chair up. Oneday on the train Cruella Deville walks on the train with her long fur jacket($$$), her fur hat($$), make up 1 inch thick, huge diamond ring. she was maybe 40. She stood right beside me b*tching out loud(so the men sitting down 10 rows away could hear)how this world has no respect for women anymore. It was extremely bizzare. One guy left and she sat down. the person standing beside me now was a late stage preggo women who was supposed to get the chair...her comment was I was here first. Another lady gave up her seat.

 

Rules I live by are elderly(man or women), moms or dads with small kids, pregnant women, folks hurt, or drunks that wants to talk. Everyone else it depends on the mood.

 

 

[fjay40]

It is not just chivalry but courtesy to our fellow man that is dead. We all need to relax , let people in during comutes, open doors for both sexes its just polite.Obviously coomon sense should enter into it like you dont stop traffic to let one car in or create line ups opening doors but we could all stand to be more at ease with each other. What helps me is when I let someone in or open a door for them and they dont respond is waving at them or the your welcime tactic mentioned above, but mentally I just think to my self that this person is lost in there own crappy existance and I just pity them instaed of getting angry like I used to . Just my opinion hope it helps.

 

 

 

[bhurt]

I think beeing kind and curtouse is just somethging that should be done regardless to sex or age.

 

I always hold the door open, activly say thank you and please and always give up my seat on the train or bus to someone that obviously needs it.

 

Speaking on the train I remeber one day when I was on the train and there was this old man that was tring to stand up on the train with a cane as it was moving. The punks that were infront of him (sitting down) were laughing at him cause he couldn't keep his balanced. I was shocked at how many people just ignored this or pretended to look away, but since it was 4pm the train was busy and very packed. Getting pissed about this I moved my way up to where these jackasses where and told them that they should give up their seat for the older man as it was the respectful thing to do. I was shocked when the punks told me were to go. Not taking crap from anyone I told the oldman to hold onto me and I would not let him fall, which he took my offer and once the train stop I proceeded to crap the kids by the scruf of their necks and threw them off the train. The thing that pissed me off the most was that everyone on the train cheered about it, I loked at them and said, you should al shut up cause no one did a single thing to help out the older man. Needless to say it got qiute quite on the train. In the end the old man got a seat. Was it wrong of me to use physical force to get the old man a seat, most likely but there was no way I was going to allow this to happen and I was hell bent on making sure that something was done.

 

I have had many experinces with rude, and disrespectful people on the train and bus and it just pisses me right off with this "me" attitude that I have seen become more social acceptable, which in my upbringing is not acceptable.

 

I think everyone should be respectful and curtious regardless to age or sex.

 

Just how I was brought up I guess.......

[Pipestoneflyguy]

Lets be honest here, how come "I let the ladies walk off first so I can check out their caboose" isn't a poll option LOL

 

I try to be polite to everyone I encounter, in my vehicle or on foot no matter their age or sex I was brought up this way.

 

I'm sure true this will PO some of you because you generally are good people and you take pride in your city but I have some bad news, I travel alot and in the last couple years I have seen two surprising trends, The people in Toronto have become increasingly friendly and polite, I drove to Ontario last summer and spent a week at a friends in TO and was amazed how polite and generous the people have become, meanwhile the people in Calgary have gone the opposite direction, when I moved out here 15 years ago Calgary was an awesome city full of awesome people - I don't know what happened but man have alot of Calgarians have become A-holes now - people are rude and pushy you get honked at all the time now - it seems that Calgary has grown too fast and people always seem frustrated and angry everywhere you go.

 

I was part of a discussion with travellers representing cities and regions from all across Canada the other day - A discussion was sparked by a Calgarian ranting about how f***ed Torontonians are - it took a matter of minutes for everyone in the room to point out that the exact opposite seems to be true, and this was a clear consensus that Calgary has become the place "not to go to" of late - I think maybe Calgarians should hold off on hacking on Southern Ontarions and take a good look in the mirror and maybe start worrying about what Calgary is going to have left to offer when the oil money is gone and their economy will have to rely, in some part on a friendly reputation.

 

Of course almost everyone I have met face to face from Calgary have proven to be great outstanding people but as far as travellers go its the butt heads giving you the finger and honking at you between the airport and your hotel which are going to primarily make or break the cities reputation. I think Calgarians having dicussions about politeness and common coutesy is a pretty good idea - especially if the reputation as a friendly city is of any importance to them -

[Guest Sundancefisher]

Lets be honest here, how come "I let the ladies walk off first so I can check out their caboose" isn't a poll option LOL

 

I try to be polite to everyone I encounter, in my vehicle or on foot no matter their age or sex I was brought up this way.

 

I'm sure true this will PO some of you because you generally are good people and you take pride in your city but I have some bad news, I travel alot and in the last couple years I have seen two surprising trends, The people in Toronto have become increasingly friendly and polite, I drove to Ontario last summer and spent a week at a friends in TO and was amazed how polite and generous the people have become, meanwhile the people in Calgary have gone the opposite direction, when I moved out here 15 years ago Calgary was an awesome city full of awesome people - I don't know what happened but man have alot of Calgarians have become A-holes now - people are rude and pushy you get honked at all the time now - it seems that Calgary has grown too fast and people always seem frustrated and angry everywhere you go.

 

I was part of a discussion with travellers representing cities and regions from all across Canada the other day - A discussion was sparked by a Calgarian ranting about how f***ed Torontonians are - it took a matter of minutes for everyone in the room to point out that the exact opposite seems to be true, and this was a clear consensus that Calgary has become the place "not to go to" of late - I think maybe Calgarians should hold off on hacking on Southern Ontarions and take a good look in the mirror and maybe start worrying about what Calgary is going to have left to offer when the oil money is gone and their economy will have to rely, in some part on a friendly reputation.

 

Of course almost everyone I have met face to face from Calgary have proven to be great outstanding people but as far as travellers go its the butt heads giving you the finger and honking at you between the airport and your hotel which are going to primarily make or break the cities reputation. I think Calgarians having dicussions about politeness and common coutesy is a pretty good idea - especially if the reputation as a friendly city is of any importance to them -

 

Could it be because all teh mean Torontonians were kicked out and came here looking for work?

[Guest girlsfishtoo]

I belive in "What goes around...comes back around."

 

I like to treat all people respectfully and courteously, regardless of age or sex, the way I expect to be treated. Why not try to make the world a better place, make someone smile and appreciate the fact that not all people are jerks.

 

 

[seanbritt]

I'm with Girlsfishtoo and believe in the whole karma thing. It just boils down to respect and being a nice person-no matter the age, sex, or gender. Its similar to etiquette on the river. If someone needs help either landing a fish, taking a photo, etc., I don't care if they are spin casting, fly-fishing, or luring them in with the sound of their voice. Help them. If you're about to fish a stretch of river that someone is on, talk to them and ask them which way they are fishing so you don't ruin their plan. Often times the goodness comes back tenfold.

[Teck71]

Could it be because all teh mean Torontonians were kicked out and came here looking for work?

 

Hey as a displaced Southern Ontarian i take some offense to that. I sometimes go out of my way to be polite. and I have found the majority of people from southern Ontario the same.

 

I just think that the pace of life has changed so drastically here that some people forget their manners in certain situations ie. driving down deerfoot at 5pm

 

Teck

Displaced Picton ontario resident

 

[Guest Sundancefisher]

Hey as a displaced Southern Ontarian i take some offense to that. I sometimes go out of my way to be polite. and I have found the majority of people from southern Ontario the same.

 

I just think that the pace of life has changed so drastically here that some people forget their manners in certain situations ie. driving down deerfoot at 5pm

 

Teck

Displaced Picton ontario resident

 

OKAY

 

NEW POLL

 

How many think Teck looks scary?

[Teck71]

sad part is i'll be the 1st to vote yes