Hawgstoppah Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." The sunny California sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, and the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take over thousands of miles! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say " nothing!", and how I can make a woman truly happy."........ The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge! Quote
SteveM Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Funny stuff, Brian! Here's another one: A little old lady goes to a plastic surgeon with an inquiry. Before she tells him what work she wants done, she swears him to secrecy; she'll only get it done if no one else ever knows. He assures her that it will never leave his office, so she tells him,"I want to have sex with my boyfriend at the home, but I have an embarrassing problem. I don't want him to see my saggy, old vagina the way it is; my labia are so stretched, I'm afraid all the Viagra in the world won't keep the poor dear erect!" "I can fix that",says the doctor,"and, it'll just be between you and me. A little trimming, and your vagina will look 18 again." She gets the surgery, and wakes up in the recovery room afterwards; the first thing she sees are 3 vases full of roses on the table. Just then, the doctor walks in, and she yells at him,"Who the hell are those flowers from? No one was supposed to know about this!" The doctor says,"Calm down, dear; I can explain. The first bouquet is from me, to thank you for trusting me with such a delicate surgery. The second is from my nurse; she assisted me, and felt for you, as she had the same operation herself. And the third bouquet is from a man on the burn unit, thanking you for his new ears." Quote
birchy Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Joke #1 - heard it before in relation to golf.. love it. Joke #2 - My gawd.. Quote
adc Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 As heard on the Tonight Show last night............ "If you're an ugly woman you're going to experience life much like a man.......You're gonna have to work"....... Drew a mixed round of, er, applause??........ Quote
TerryH Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 As heard on the Tonight Show last night............ "If you're an ugly woman you're going to experience life much like a man.......You're gonna have to work"....... Drew a mixed round of, er, applause??........ Ewwoooooo. Gonna have to send you off for sensitivity training. Quote
darrinhurst Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Here's another quick one...... Three little old ladies are sitting at a bus stop waiting for the next bus to arrive when suddenly a man in a long, dark trench coat jumps out from the bushes and flashes them. Well, they were so startled that the first lady had a stroke, the second one also had a stroke, but the third one wasn't fast enough. Quote
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