dryfly

As Birchy noted, Shaw Secure is very good. F-Secure is based out of Scandihoovia and was one of the world's first "virus" protection companies. Norton and McAfee should be flogged in public.

How to install tiles BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Dec. 31, 2000.) Today's topic for homeowners is: how to install a tile floor. Any home decorator will tell you that there is nothing quite like a tile floor for transforming an ordinary room into an ordinary room that has tile on the floor. But if you're like most homeowners, you think that laying tile is a job for the "pros." Boy, are you ever stupid! Because the truth is that anybody can do it! All it takes is a little planning, the right materials and a Fire Rescue unit. Consider the true story of a woman in Linthicum, Md., who decided to tile her kitchen floor, as reported in an excellent front-page newspaper article written by Eric Collins for The Capital in Annapolis, Md., and sent in by many alert readers. According to this article, the woman, who wanted to be identified only as "Anne" for reasons that will become clear, decided to surprise her fiance by tiling her kitchen floor herself, thus saving the $700 a so-called "expert" would have charged for the job. Step 1, of course, was for Anne to spread powerful glue on the floor, so the tiles would be bonded firmly in place. Anne then proceeded to Step 2, which -- as you have probably already guessed -- was to slip and fall face-first into the glue coat she created in Step 1, thus bonding herself to the floor like a gum wad on a hot sidewalk. Fortunately, Anne was not alone. Also in the house, thank goodness, was one of the most useful companions a person can ever hope to have: a small dog. Specifically, it was a Yorkshire terrier, a breed originally developed in England to serve as makeup applicators. A full-grown "Yorkie" is about the size of a standard walnut, although it has more hair and a smaller brain. Anne's dog, named Cleopatra, saw that her owner was in trouble, so she immediately ran outside and summoned a police officer. Ha ha! No, seriously, Cleopatra did what all dogs do when their owners are in trouble: lick the owner's face. Dogs believe this is the correct response to every emergency. If Lassie had been a real dog, when little Timmy was sinking in the quicksand, Lassie, instead of racing back to the farmhouse to get help, would have helpfully licked Timmy on the face until he disappeared, at which point Lassie, having done all she could for him, would have resumed licking herself. So anyway, when Cleopatra decided to help out, she naturally also became stuck in the glue. But again, luck was on Anne's side, because also at home were her two daughters, ages 9 and 10, who, realizing that the situation was no joking matter, immediately, in the words of the Capital article, "began laughing hysterically." Eventually, with their help, Anne got unstuck from the floor and was able to lay the tile. But she still had glue all over herself. So, according to the Capital article, "she called a glue emergency hotline, but no one answered." I don't know about you, but that sentence disturbs me. I think somebody should check on the glue-emergency-hotline staff. I picture an office reeking of glue fumes, with whacked-out workers permanently bonded to floors, walls, ceilings, each other, etc. Come to think of it, this is also how I picture Congress. But getting back to Anne: Still trying to solve her personal glue problem, she called a tile contractor. During this conversation, the glue on her body hardened, such that (1) her right foot became stuck to the floor; (2) her legs became stuck together; (3) her body became stuck to a chair; and (4) her hand became stuck to the phone. "I had to dial 911 with my nose," she is quoted as saying. When the rescue personnel arrived, they found Anne still stuck. Perhaps this is a good time in our story to bring up the fact that she had been working in, and was still wearing, only her underwear. Fortunately, the rescue crews were serious, competent, highly trained professionals, and thus, to again quote the Capital article, they "laughed until they cried." Once they recovered, the rescue crews were able to free Anne by following the standard procedure for this type of situation: licking her face. No, seriously, they freed her with solvents, and everything was fine. Anne got her new floor and saved herself $700, which I am sure more than makes up for suffering enough humiliation to last four or five lifetimes. So the bottom line, homeowners, is this: Don't be afraid to tackle that tile job! Just be sure to have a dog handy, and always remember the No. 1 rule of tile installation professionals: Wear clean underwear.

Funny. Know a few of those myself.

Thanks GB ... that is indeed a good concept....seen smaller plexi frames like that downtown (obviously not 80 inches long tho.) I will call this commercial printer as he has a fancy Epson printer... shall see. Taco...Don't tell anyone, but I did not use a tripod on this --- which I should have done. Cameras are worse than fishing gear...now I have the new camera I think my good lenses are not good enough. So I have two new ED lenses on my sights. The camera wars (pixel envy) are getting silly...soon to release a 24MP full-frame...which people will flock (at $5K..not me) to and realize then they need three new top-drawer lenses at $1500 to $5000 each and THEN their computer won't handle the files which will be stoopid size. (Even off my 12 MP camera the jpegs are 8 to 13 MB and the RAWs are 18MB and the TIFFs are 69MB each!!)

Hell NO troutlover.. I meant cooling....been cooling since 1998.

I am gonna call my man here in town ... he owns one of those high-end Epson 8-cartriddge printers that does rolled canvas up to 18 inches wide and any length. I suspect we can do it on canvas and put it on a hidden frame--like an oil. Will let you know. No rush.

Below is Lake Newell south of Brooks at 1 PM today ... wall to wall ice. (Taken from 1 km away at 100 kph.) The shore ice didn't even look rotten where we could see. Dugouts around Brooks are still frozen. Ponds down here are open. Here is the wx forecast for Onefour. Things can change fast, but it is late. (In keeping with a colder winter and perhaps an overall cooling earth ... since 1998.)

Cheeler ... too funny.

If you have the number it would be good to report. There were hundreds of swans down here this past week, but they are tundras..simply based on numbers and locations. A banded swan MAY mean a trumpeter--just because tundras are much more common. But tundras/trumpeters can be difficult to ID for sure. A yellow beak marking indicates a tundra, but it can be absent on a tundra. I took the pix below two years ago and believe it to be a trumpeter for three reasons: It had a guttural call -- unlike a tundra swan It was in SW Alberta where trumpeters are known to occur--versus out on the plains. It had no yellow beak marking Great trout BTW...

Funny ... I think anyway! Since I am the only person in the world with that name.....one assumes this is a piece of online software stuff. Right? Please say tis so. HTF did you do that?

"It's a great place to lose the wife at." Yabbut ... not a great place to get a new wife. Don .. They sell a stacks of 2-mm craft foam for five bucks ... good for ants and hoppers ... you get half sheets of about 15 useable colors and you give the rest to your grandrats to cut up and make a mess with. If you decided to commit an act of terrorism you could bomb a Wal-Mart and improve the overall genetic stock of the land. (Like WE never go there. )

Thanks BBT. No I have not thought about selling this. Ive made (in Photoshop) a 12 by 72-inch .. sample below...can change wording... The problem with this image is it has a length-width ratio of about 8:1 and it loses its impact if the scene is cropped at one end. So I can actually get a 72-inch print made at a lab but then WTF am I to do with it? They won't (can't) foam-core mount it. I could get some foam core and attach it myself. My foam core alone tends to warp. I know a guy in town here and he may be able to help me. Would like one for my house. The 36-inch prints are great too, but are only 4 inches tall...need to think on this.

Too late troutlover. You are doomed. Give me all of your gear and join a convent. Don't feel bad...we ALL do it. I installed a new wireless router the other day for my new laptop. The damn thing would NOT work. So I called the router tech line and his first question was. "Have you turned on the wireless switch on the laptop yet?" Um .. er ... ah ... well ... er ... no.

TL .. You are looking in the Alberta Fishing Guide perhaps. That's not the regs. They are definitely in the 2008 Alberta Guide to Sportfishing Regulations .. got my regs today. Also see here.... http://www.albertaregulations.ca/fishingregs/ Police (Outpost) Lake (8-1-26-W4) Apr. 1 to Oct. 31 – Trout limit 1 over 50 cm; Pike limit 3 (no size limit); Bait Ban. Nov. 1 to Mar. 31 – CLOSED

Geez Dave, that's easy for a thirties-something guy to say. Rickr is like ... you know...getting old.

rickr ... Loved you story. Mortality faces us everyday--or I think of it almost every day. The problem with the younguns is they believe they are immortal. I'm guessing that "Go hard .. or go home" was not coined by someone (say) 48 years old. More like 22. The bad part (maybe the good part) is that us guys (I dunno about the gals) always feel like we are 18 mentally. But our damn bodies know we ain't. Mortality sucks. I am now older than my mother got to be and yesterday one of my "American cousins" died. He was one year younger than me. (Hadn't seen him for 45 years...but still.) Read my signatures. Clive

Thanks.

The irony-- or eco stoopidity.. The weather channel Earth Hour website says: On March 29, 2008, from 8 – 9pm local time, people and businesses are asked to turn off all lights and other non-essential electric appliances to bring attention to promote electricity conservation, awareness and lower carbon emissions. But the idiots want us to watch Earth Hour on TV? Classic eco double talk! Bloody lunacy. Saturday March 29, watch live coverage of Earth Hour on The Weather Network, 7-9PM EDT!

Every few days the board requires me to log in every time. The "remember me" box is clicked. Logged in three times in a row over a ten-minute period and same thing. Wassup? Anything I can do to correct? Thx.

Thanks for the reminder. Will get one at the lumber yard today. As of April 1, it will be four years and seven days and this geez ain't gonna need a license. The BIG question will be....will the fishing be any good the first seven days of April 2012? Hopin' not. Decisions.

Yes Jeff, I agree. I been down a few roads and maybe had too much schooling and traveled a lot and read a lot and try to stay somewhat apprised of life in general ... and yet there is always more to learn. (Real science versus the bogus claptrap in the media and promoted by fanatical eco groups. ) I knew birds did this to lose height FAST. I took some pictures last year which showed this a bit. But this current series shows it well and I was surprised to see several birds flipped 180° .. with their heads still upright. Very cool stuff. Will try to get some more next week--we've a few hundred birds across the road again.

" I do most of my fishing on the Upper Oldman, Gap " Donate $900 to Stream Watch and then go to Wal-Mart.

Ding ding ding. Monger gets a gold star. Monger is spot on ... when geese (and some other waterfowl) are dropping into a lake, sometimes a few of the birds will "dipsy doodle" down by turning sideways. This causes the wings to lose the lift and the birds slip downward faster. You may not know that sometimes the birds will turn completely upside down and reverse the uplift effect to a downdraw effect -- and they drop like stones. (A reverse Bernoulli effect.) In the first picture below here you can see a few birds twisting--see arrows. The second composite shot shows a bird turning in the top image and upside down in the second shot about 0.2 second later. (The camera shoots at 5 frames per second.) Note how the relative position of this bird in the second shot is lower compared to the normal birds. The third shot shows another bird completely upside down. Note that the head is always upright. (The next picture in this sequence--not here--shows this bird dropped approx. 3 m in the 0.2 second relative to his upright neighbours.) Like Yogi Berra said, "You can see a lot by looking." Yeah Pyth....LS's comment is hilarious.

Okay gang what is going on here? NOT Photoshopped. Heavily cropped. (Terry..you are disqualified.) And, no, it is not shot.