Guest girlsfishtoo Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Three Men on a Hike Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: “God, please give me the strength to cross the river” Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice. After witnessing that, the second man prayed: “God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river” Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once. Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: “God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river” Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge. “If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!” Quote
Taco Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody. Why do brides wear white? So the new Dishwasher will match the stove How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with “A man once told me…” How do you fix a woman’s watch? You don’t. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men fart more than women? Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in. I married a Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%. It’s called a Wedding Cake. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has Quote
Guest girlsfishtoo Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I take it you are a bachelor Taco? Quote
Taco Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Na, married twice, been hangin' with the current one 22 yrs, but I like to keep my bitter half irritated so I have a remote chance of guessin' what the hell she's mad about now. Shoulda never married a serving member of the Crowsnest Pass Mafia................ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . just j/k wid ya GFT Quote
Guest girlsfishtoo Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Na, married twice, been hangin' with the current one 22 yrs, but I like to keep my bitter half irritated so I have a remote chance of guessin' what the hell she's mad about now. Shoulda never married a serving member of the Crowsnest Pass Mafia................ . . just j/k wid ya GFT I was just joking about being a bachelor too! Quote
reevesr1 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 How do you fix a woman’s watch? You don’t. There is a clock on the oven. Charles Barkley used that one on a national telecast once. Caused a bit of a stir! Quote
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