SanJuanWorm Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 All Time Dumbest Questions Asked By Banff Park Tourists Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff! 1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs? 2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose? 3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?" Park Information Staff: "'Elk.'" Tourist: "Oh." 4. Are the bears with collars tame? 5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose? 6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent? 7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos? 8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today -- could you tell me what it was? 9. Are there birds in Canada? 10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada? 11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin? 12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper? 13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan? 14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario? 15. Which is the way to the Columbia Rice fields? 16. How far is Banff from Canada? 17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day? 18. Do they search you at the B.C. border? 19. When we enter B.C., do we have to convert our money to British pounds? 20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they? 21. Are there phones in Banff? 22. So it's eight kilometers away... is that in miles? 23. We're on the decibel system, you know. 24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost?? 25. Is that two kilometers by foot or by car? 26. Don't you Canadians know anything? 27. Where do you put the animals at night? 28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?" Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom." Tourist: "Oh!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawrence Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Pretty funny man, you could also use Kool aid, to make the lakes so blue! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harps Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 While rafting in the US, the qdumb questions asked were like the above and... How long the boat would take to get back around to the cars and; What happens if the raft comes off the tracks? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonefisher Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 what time do y'all let the elk out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonefisher Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 I just drove through the indian reserve where all all the teepees? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonefisher Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Were in the town of banff is the national park? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonefisher Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 how big does a black bear have to get before it becomes a grizzly bear? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pipestoneflyguy Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Nice one ! The wife has worked at the Bank, the Photoshop, and now at the post office and the things she gets asked in a typical day would spin your head man ! Bout the time I started here, one of our plow drivers hated the stress of plowing so he started working for brewster bus lines instead - he was picking up his group at the icefields center as they departed the glacier bus for the ride back to Banff. This large Texan starts climbing up the stairs with a chunck of ice as big as a pillow - Driver says "Whoa, you can't bring that on here !" - the guy (with a real texas drawl apparently) asks the driver "why not ?" - "ahhh because it will melt" - well the Texan Booms back "It aint melted in 40 million years, what the hell makes you think it will melt now !" - so the driver says "fine go sit down then" - I guess he watched this chunck of ice melt down to the size of a loaf of bread in the texans lap all the way to Banff - said he almost broke out laughing as the clearly upset man walked off the bus with his tiny bit of ice in his hands and his clothes soaked completely from the waist down. Couldn't let anyone use his seat for a day it was so wet. There is a pretty good one about a Chateau Lake Louise staff member getting fired for telling a couple tourists from Germany (when asked where Bears hibernate) that they keep them in the Tom Wilson Ballroom of the Chateau over the winter - story goes that the tourists flew back in the winter expecting and asking to see the bears the next winter indoors - story goes on further to say the staff member was fired and the Germans had their trip comped - like most of these stories though there is nothing in history to suggest its anything more than a creative urban legend (Just like the lakes being drained and painted blue, it has been re-told thousands and thousands of times) When I was a garbageman many many moons back a fella with his family gathered around me at the crowfoot veiwpoint and asked the infamous "How much does a mountain weigh ?" to me that always seemed like an urban legend as I had never actually heard anyone ask, even though all locals proclaimed it to be a common question. Well I had thought of a way to answer that one just in case anyone ever asked so I thought I would have some fun with this fella. I told him that it is a very little known fact that a mountain has so much mass that it creates its own gravitational pull - as a result the gravity pulling up is so great at the point where the mountain meets the ground that if you were to weigh it it would only show a couple thousand pounds, well this poor guy and his family all stood there amazed, jaws dropped wide open, as I explained that because of this effect we can actually push the mountains around with a couple bull dozers, and if it wasn't for that, we could have never built this road in such a straight line. (I went on to further expain that the mountains look so wonderful becasue we lined them up that way) - anyway as I walked away I heard the father start talking to his kids about how amazing it was to learn something like that and guilt got the better of me, I turned around and tried to cover my butt by saying I was just testing the kids and told him and his family the truth, and that I was only joking - the Kids thought it was hilarious (especially since I totally fooled their dad) but the father was clearly preturbed - spent the next couple weeks waiting to get fired LOL but never heard anything about it again. The whole "do unto others thing" and karma kept me from messing with tourists ever since. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonefisher Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Do you have air conditioning? No Well why didn't you tell us there would be no snow and that it would be so hot here? Uummm its August sir Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonefisher Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 which trails don't have any bears? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonefisher Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 how long does it take to climb a mountain? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonefisher Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Is that price in American dollars? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonefisher Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 How do you tell a male elk from a female? The males have the antlers What are Antlers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pipestoneflyguy Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 What the white stuff is on the mountains ? - would shock you to know how often that one gets asked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pipestoneflyguy Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 One of my fav's,... how come everyone speaks American and not Canadian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonefisher Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 what do you mean by a gravel road? It isn't paved you drive on gravel..... whats gravel? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonefisher Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 What do you call rivers up here in Canada? Rivers sir No I mean in your language? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pipestoneflyguy Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 what do you mean by a gravel road? It isn't paved you drive on gravel..... whats gravel? Ha - don't even try using the word "Blacktop" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonefisher Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 What re those little critters out there they look like the squirrel we have back home? They are squirrels...... Oh neat did somebody bring them up here for ya? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonefisher Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 I want to talk to the manager a squirrel just bit my daughter!!! Why did it bite her? She was trying to feed him!! Well.... squirrels are wild animals and you are not actually supposed to feed them as they are wild...... there is actually a fine for that I think Oh..... Well then why do you let them in here? Like I said they are wild and they can basically go where they want..... Well if their not pets can I ring its neck? No sir its illegal to kill animals in the national park We'll see about that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonefisher Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 I'm sure a few more will come back to me....... too long in the parks customer service industry........ way way to long Oh yes -pointing at a coyote- is that a wolf or d'ya'll call em dingos up here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximum Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Is that price in American dollars? This isn't limited to Banff. I was in a small town in Italy last year and heard a woman ask this. I mean, where the f**k do you think you are? This isn't Mall of America here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pipestoneflyguy Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 When I was a ski bum working on the hill over 10 years ago - just before opening day, a couple friends and I had the fishin bug bad so we rigged up baskets made out of hangers with a chunks of bread tied in the middle - voila - gopher fishing became a sport. It was hilarious, the gohers would fight very well to keep the bread - this went on for about 20 minutes and ended with me and two friends "donating"our rods to the Warden Service. Till this day new locals bitch "Rob, I can't catch any fish" my response " you need more gohper pratice" - what ? "nevermind try this...." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pipestoneflyguy Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 When "off work" the wife complains I tend to be a little too "assertive" (her nice word for assh***) My favorite questions to tourists are; 1) What is wrong with you !!! is there not single effing 4-way in all of America ? 2) Next time, please forget your passport, instead of your brain (interchangeable with manners) 3) How would you like if I drove to California and stopped my friggin truck smack-dab in the middle of the Santa Monica freeway at rush hour to take a picture.......(followed by a predicatable string of obsenities) Most "bang for the buck" in the area of tourist revenge (when I operated a truck) hit the air horn for 20-30 seconds at a bear jam - shocked wide open mouths at a bear smoking into the woods followed by the utmost look of utter disdain directed at me from hundreds of tourist who jsut nissed a great bear picture (yeah right)- at that point I politely suggest that they please move their parked cars off the highway LOL Missus says I wouldn't last a day in a front desk type job - As I am writing this I am listening to a report on my radio of 30 tourists following a bear into the woods with cameras - apparently they have shut down the road by parking in the middle of it - too funny happens like 50 times a day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawgstoppah Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost?? I see my wife made it to the Park recently............. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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