Rick's Story Of The Week

[reevesr1]

I have a friend named Byron, lives in Houston. Really nice guy, great fisherman, very low key. But a practical joker extrodinaire, particularly since he really doesn't seem the type. What follows is the story of what I consider to be the best practical joke of all time:

 

Every year, Byron and Mel arrange a fishing trip to the Breton Islands in Louisiana, which is mostly wade fishing shallow flats and the surf. One year they invite a coworker with very little fishing experience (they decided they had to play some sort of joke on him when he asks if his daughter Snoopy Pole would be good enough!). He asks all the usual questions about what he needs to buy for a rod and reel (they did tell him the Snoopy pole wouldn't cut it), what to get for lures, tackle, etc. So Byron forwards him a fishing report from a guide, but with a bit of editing. He puts a line in the report "and the vermiculites were particularly bad today. Make sure you bring your condoms!" So the friend calls and says "what the hell is a vermiculite and what's up with the condoms?" So Byron tells him "oh yeah, well they are little microorganisms that live in saltwater and when the water temperature is up, they get active and can irritate sensitive skin, if you know what I mean. So we wear condoms to protect the sensitive area." And from then on he is careful not to mention it again as he does not want to overplay his hand. As the trip gets closer, Byron starts to send fishing reports from the area to his friend and all the other guy coming on the trip (who are aware of the setup). In every report he edits in a vermiculite line (bad today, not bad today, etc.)

 

Now this trip is based on a barge converted into a floating fishing base in the sound of an island in the Gulf of Mexico. Some of the guys arrive by float plane, some by boat. Everyone arrives late afternoon, has supper and starts planning the first day of fishing. They decide to hit the surf before daylight the next morning. They also take pains not to mention the vermiculite thing, again afraid someone will laugh and ruin the joke. Everyone gets up the next morning, Byron notices his friend behind him and says to Mel "hey man, I forgot my condoms. You got any?" At that point they see their buddy run back to his room and they know the hook has been set!

 

So now, picture about 10-15 guys lined up in waist deep water fishing. Typically, when nature calls, we do what any wader fisherman does when in water over our waist. Just go, and never miss a cast. Well, after about 1 hr of fishing, they notice the friend wading back toward the shallow water to take care of business. They see him pulling down the wading pants, taking off the ole condom and having himself a pee. They are all dying laughing, without making any noise. Anyway, buddy finishes up and continues fishing. The joke continues for a couple of days, when they finally spill the beans. He takes it really well! You would think that was the end, but wait!

 

This barge employs a couple of deckhands who are usually young college students. Since 99% of the fishermen are men, the deckhands are always males (for obvious reasons). The deckhands are almost always the kids of friends of the barge's owner. Well, the manager of the barge, who was also in on the joke, decides it would be funny to put a couple of the condoms in one of the deckhands bag as he is rotating back home thinking he would have a laugh when he unpacks. Unfortunately, the kid's mom unpacks the bag! She calls the owner and asks: "Aren't there just men on the barge?" "Yes" is the reply. "OMG, then why does my son need condoms?" The owner calls the manager, manager explains joke, owner calls mother and mother is VERY relieved. Just not overly amused. The end, not quite:

 

The next year Byron and crew are back. While having dinner in the barge, they are recounting the story. One of the other guests, who worked for one of the fishing shows on Fox Sports Southwest says "wait a minute, that was you guys? That practical joke is famous." Seems the barge manager had told the crew of the fishing show the story earlier that year and they had repeated it all over the south! Now it's made it to Canada! The end???

 

Note: I can't really remember what he called the bugs. I think it was vermiculite, but I can't remember. I emailed Byron to find out, but he is fishing in Costa Rica!! Hope he has his condoms!

[OneMoreLastCast]

Pretty good joke.

 

The only thing is that up here in Canada, we really do have parasites that do as talked about in your buddy's joke.

We just don't make it known that we wear condoms while fishing rivers like the Bow, Crowsnest, etc. and it's only for a short time thru the summer that they're necessary.

 

The parasites are called Ichthyophthirius multifiliis. They are Protozoa and of the Ciliates order and can cause extreme discomfort if they make their way into the urethra, although the rash caused around the privates can be brutal too, Just ask Hawgstoppah. (Apparently feminine creams work miracles on the rash).

 

They usually don't get bad until late August and into September and the streams in BC are especially bad about the second week in September.

Unfortunately, BC implemented some new regulations that are even more ridiculous than some of the other recent ones and one of them is that no waders are allowed in Classified waters now. Something to do with transferring parasites, disease, etc. from other water systems.

 

So now that you know the risk, don't forget your condoms in September buddy

[bigbowtrout]

Now thats funny

[reevesr1]

Pretty good joke.

 

The only thing is that up here in Canada, we really do have parasites that do as talked about in your buddy's joke.

We just don't make it known that we wear condoms while fishing rivers like the Bow, Crowsnest, etc. and it's only for a short time thru the summer that they're necessary.

 

The parasites are called Ichthyophthirius multifiliis. They are Protozoa and of the Ciliates order and can cause extreme discomfort if they make their way into the urethra, although the rash caused around the privates can be brutal too, Just ask Hawgstoppah. (Apparently feminine creams work miracles on the rash).

 

They usually don't get bad until late August and into September and the streams in BC are especially bad about the second week in September.

Unfortunately, BC implemented some new regulations that are even more ridiculous than some of the other recent ones and one of them is that no waders are allowed in Classified waters now. Something to do with transferring parasites, disease, etc. from other water systems.

 

So now that you know the risk, don't forget your condoms in September buddy

 

Excellent use of detail. I've always been told when you are making something up, use lots of details, and/or make up specific statistics like:

"Feminine creams have been shown to be effective in 96.5% of Ichthyophthirius multifiliis infections within 24 hrs"

 

or "As Ichthyophthirius multifiliis have been shown to be able to live for up to 9 months out of the water, BC has implemented a no wader policy for it's classified waters"