A Joke For Birchy Before He Goes Under The Knife

[LynnF]

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she

decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra."

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the

floor.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

[Castuserraticus]

Frank and Joe were fanatics and fished together for 50 years. However as they got older their excursions became fewer and shorter. Still, every Wed. during the season they'd fish a favourite section of their home river. They'd leave a vehicle at a bridge and one of their wives would drive them to the next bridge a couple miles downstream. They timed their trips to get home in time for supper and some bridge with their wives. One day the guys didn't return by supper. The wives were nearly frantic with worry when Frank finally returned an hour after dark. He was absolutely beat and could hardly drag himself into the house.

 

"What happened?" the wives wanted to know.

"It was terrible." Frank said "Joe had a heart attack and died when we were rigging up."

"That's awful." his wife said.

"Yeah" said Frank, "It was a long day - fish a hole and drag Joe, fish a hole and drag Joe."

[birchy]

AHHHH HAHAHAHA!! Awesome.. I love them both.

[Taco]

Ya watch brokeback mountain again Lynn? :mellow:

[reevesr1]

Frank and Joe were fanatics and fished together for 50 years. However as they got older their excursions became fewer and shorter. Still, every Wed. during the season they'd fish a favourite section of their home river. They'd leave a vehicle at a bridge and one of their wives would drive them to the next bridge a couple miles downstream. They timed their trips to get home in time for supper and some bridge with their wives. One day the guys didn't return by supper. The wives were nearly frantic with worry when Frank finally returned an hour after dark. He was absolutely beat and could hardly drag himself into the house.

 

"What happened?" the wives wanted to know.

"It was terrible." Frank said "Joe had a heart attack and died when we were rigging up."

"That's awful." his wife said.

"Yeah" said Frank, "It was a long day - fish a hole and drag Joe, fish a hole and drag Joe."

 

Dude, that is so funny. I was actually going to tell almost that exact joke, except a golfing version.

[SteveM]

Frank and Joe were fanatics and fished together for 50 years. However as they got older their excursions became fewer and shorter. Still, every Wed. during the season they'd fish a favourite section of their home river. They'd leave a vehicle at a bridge and one of their wives would drive them to the next bridge a couple miles downstream. They timed their trips to get home in time for supper and some bridge with their wives. One day the guys didn't return by supper. The wives were nearly frantic with worry when Frank finally returned an hour after dark. He was absolutely beat and could hardly drag himself into the house.

 

"What happened?" the wives wanted to know.

"It was terrible." Frank said "Joe had a heart attack and died when we were rigging up."

"That's awful." his wife said.

"Yeah" said Frank, "It was a long day - fish a hole and drag Joe, fish a hole and drag Joe."

 

I reckon this situation would be one time that you'd be better off fishing your way DOWNstream! Danged hard to

drag a corpse against the current.

[Teck71]

I reckon this situation would be one time that you'd be better off fishing your way DOWNstream! Danged hard to

drag a corpse against the current.

 

And that leves me with the question Experience BOB

 

And if fishing with BobLoblaw and he suggests changing things up and fishing downstream "run, run hard run fast"

[SteveM]

And that leves me with the question Experience BOB

 

And if fishing with BobLoblaw and he suggests changing things up and fishing downstream "run, run hard run fast"

 

I've been advised by counsel to ignore this spurious line of questioning.

[birchy]

Dude, that is so funny. I was actually going to tell almost that exact joke, except a golfing version.

 

I heard a good golfing one like that too..

 

Two olders gents - Fred and Bill - were standing on the 13th tee when a funeral procession drove by the highway parallel to the hole. Immediately Fred took off his hat and held it to his chest until the procession was past. Bill paused for a minute and then said "wow, I didn't realize you had so much respect Fred?!"

 

To which Fred replied "well, it's the least I could do.. I was married to her for 45 years!"

[reevesr1]

I heard a good golfing one like that too..

 

Two olders gents - Fred and Bill - were standing on the 13th tee when a funeral procession drove by the highway parallel to the hole. Immediately Fred took off his hat and held it to his chest until the procession was past. Bill paused for a minute and then said "wow, I didn't realize you had so much respect Fred?!"

 

To which Fred replied "well, it's the least I could do.. I was married to her for 45 years!"

OK, here's mine:

A married couple had happily played golf together for many years. One day, the man hit a massive slice into a farmers field in front of a barn. He was getting ready to pick up the ball when his wife said:

"Honey, I can see the green through the barn doors. I think you could hit a stinger through and maybe get it to the green."

He saw and thought "I've got that shot" took out the 3 iron and stung it. But it hits one of the beams, screams back and hits his wife in the head killing her instantly.

 

The next weekend, he is out on the same course. As luck would have it, he slices another into the same farmers field. As he is about to pick up his ball, the partner says: "Hey, I can see the green through the open barn doors. I think you could hit a stinger through and maybe get it on the green." The man looks at his partner and says: "Nah, I tried that last weekend and took an 8."

 

Much welcome back Mr. Birchy!